Here's a taste:
"Call my aunt," I said to Lydia, as my mind shifted back and forth from how I was going to brush my teeth to whether or not I would have access to Internet in prison. There was much planning to be done if I truly was going to prison: My first priority was to start thinking about what kind of gang I would join.
I hoped my uncle wasn't still mad at me for choosing to have sex with a family friend instead of him when my cousins and I were playing the "Who Would You Rather Have Sex With" game. The premise of the game is you have to choose between two people who you would rather have sex with---sober---or your entire family is killed. Usually, the choice is between two real winners like David Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman. A couple of weeks prior, when my fourteen-year-old cousin Madison asked me if I would rather have sex with her dad (my uncle) or their family friend Rusty, I course chose Rusty, because he was not a relative. My uncle didn't take kindly to this when Madison told him. He took it as a personal insult that I would rather sex with someone I barely knew. "We are related!" I told him.
"That's really shitty, Chelsea," he replied as he took another sip of his double vodka and grapefruit. "I've been like an uncle to you."
"You are my uncle," I reminded him.
"Not by blood," he replied.
Yes. Buy Chelsea Handler's latest book, and you won't be disappointed!